Can we get addicted to love? And what if that ‘love’ is not good love?
Many times I counsel women who struggle to let go of a lover who they know is not good for them. Guys that are cheaters, drinkers, gamblers or just plain mean... most of the time. So what is the attraction?
Well, the rest of the time, or at least at some stage in the relationship (usually the blissful beginning) these guys weren’t bad at all. In fact they may have promised to be just the guy she was looking for. They were charming, or funny, or seemed so interested in the woman in question that she feel for him.
Or maybe she didn’t, maybe this guy just slipped and grew on her. Whatever the pattern, an attraction was established so by the time she found the ‘fly in the ointment’, this guy was part of her life, and most importantly, part of her mind.
Can't she do any better?
So why is it so hard for her to just leave him behind?
Does she have such low self esteem she doesn’t think she can do any better? Well, sadly sometimes this is true.
Other times it is a case of ‘better the devil you know’ and women settle for second best because somewhere they believe that he’s as good as it gets.
The work here is clear, help this woman understand the origin of her beliefs about her self and relationships, then work toward building her self worth and ultimately create the space for attracting the kind of guy who can give her what she really deserves.
Here are 5 reasons why a sane woman can’t leave a crazy relationship
To give him up, to let go of the positive feelings (even if they were built on a flimsy hope for better behaviour), sends her literally into withdrawal. For what ever reason she’s addicted to love, bad love.
Recovery takes time and like any addiction may need the assistance of a 'sponsor' a completely objective person who is there to help you through. If you are ready to let go of someone you know is not good for you first you have to want to let go, then you need to understand why it feels so difficult.
Stay tuned for my blog on 12 Steps to recovering from a bad love addiction.